Illicit drugs: They're not for winners at coin-op arcades, according to former FBI director William Sessions. Members of Instagram's still thriving drug trade should take note. Dealing drugs illegally is also frowned upon, but technology has never made it easier or safer than it does on Instagram right now.

Along with Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker, and his wife, Jan, Paul Crouch founded the Trinity Broadcasting Network in 1973 with the simple goal of spreading Our Lord's message of mercy and love. Along with mobsters, Paul Crouch was involved in a "narcotics transfer of funds" according to a recently declassified FBI file.

Costa Rica's Judicial Investigation Police (OIJ) confiscated roughly 400-kilos of cocaine and $1.5 million at a private airstrip on the Hilton family-owned Rancho Horizonte in the country's northern Cañas region. Three Nicaraguans were among the arrested, (realistically) because of leftover Iran-Contra bullshit.

Pulitzer prize-winner Gary Webb is arguably the reason we know anything about CIA complicity in the crack-cocaine epidemic of the 1980s—collateral damage of the Reagan administration's desire to fund the Contras despite three Congressional amendments forbidding them. Even more admirably, Webb did not have a goatee.

Churlish hamster Grover Norquist nearly brought the U.S. to the brink of default three years ago, pressuring legislators with his "Taxpayer Protection Pledge" into a debt ceiling battle that was both dangerous and inane. This year, Norquist plans to attend Burning Man, which he sees as a stateless capitalist Utopia.

Azamat Tazhayakov, friend of younger, dreamier Boston Bombing suspect Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, is currently on trial for obstruction of justice. Tazhayakov is one of three Dzhokhar friends who will each be tried separately on similar charges — and now the equally grievous charge of copping Dzhokar's stash.

A vital element in keeping the peace is our military establishment's access to pharmaceuticals, but according to a new study from the U.S. Government Accountability Office, drug companies are overcharging the Pentagon, on average, by 50 percent on generics, and 60 percent overall. Way to support the troops!