Pulitzer prize-winner Gary Webb is arguably the reason we know anything about CIA complicity in the crack-cocaine epidemic of the 1980s—collateral damage of the Reagan administration's desire to fund the Contras despite three Congressional amendments forbidding them. Even more admirably, Webb did not have a goatee.

Terrible animated sitcom The Family Guy aired a rerun, centered around Robin Williams, just moments before the public learned of Williams’ tragic suicide. Some of Earth’s 7 billion sentient humans suspected this meant that he had been sacrificed by the elite deviants of the Bavarian Illuminati.